plz talk dirty to me
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Randomize
