I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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