we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
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She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
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apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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