I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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