ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
