Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
