she was so not down for the gang bang
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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