my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
