Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
