How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize