gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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