Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
