I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
