I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
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My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
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We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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