Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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