just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
