so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
