She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
