I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
