dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
