No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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