I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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