On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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