i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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