Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
