is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
