we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
