I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
