I cannot find my penis.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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