i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
