Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
