she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You're like the curious george of whores
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
