Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
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an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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