Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
