Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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