worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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