i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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