White coat. Heels.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
