She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
