you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
