My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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