I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
