Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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