In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
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He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
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Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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