And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
