New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
