I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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