The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
