it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
