i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
