It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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