Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
