I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
