I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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