All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
This house was built for laser tag.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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