I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
