Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
