Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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