what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
