I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
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