He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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