god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I feel great
I just peed on a car
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
