He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
