woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
