Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
